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Online dating fears

Done thoroughly, "but I really don't know" can pull the rug out from under our most cherished limiting beliefs. And, since virtually every train of thought has some implicit belief, when we question our thoughts, we question these beliefs.

However, for her (and she is far from alone) this recognition of expanded possibility is followed by a fear of receiving.

An example is a mother who buys new school clothes for the child while complaining that getting the clothes for the child means there is not enough money for the mother to buy anything new for herself.

For every person the past experiences and the meanings made of those experiences are unique.

To give another example of dating anxieties about receiving, one man, for example, was visiting his date and she offered to go and get him a glass of wine.

He agreed and within seconds experienced acute anxiety.

Another scenario might be a father who gives an allowance for chores done while irritably lecturing that "money doesn't grow on trees", an ‘don't expect something for nothing' or "there are no free lunches." And the child associates receiving with being accused and seen as unworthy.

The problem with these communications is not the lesson of non entitlement and the value of work.

His self-talk was something like "She's going to resent doing something for me and later be critical of me." For him, recognizing his anxiety at receiving was actually progress, because previously he had just avoided generous and loving women.